Ah, the French Dating Scene.
I’m Jamaican (wah gwaan!). I was a living that is expat France for over 5 years. Talked a whole lot about “finding someone” with my French friends. It only took me 1.5 years to realise that I became going in regards to the french dating scene all wrong.
Disclaimer: Of course each individual and relationship is different which means this might not apply to everyone. I’m talking about just what I’ve experienced, observed and discussed with french friends and other Europeans.
Therefore What’s the French Dating Scene Like as a Jamaican?
First you should know what is the “French relationship scene”? Well it is absolutely different from the ‘North American/Caribbean’ model.
I would get so far as to express that many French individuals don’t really “date”.
Ok so i’d like to qualify what I mean by “dating”. I mean the “get to know each other” phase when I say ‘date/dating. The “courting” period (ugh, hate this term). The “who/what are my options?” segment…you know, let’s have supper with a few folks before you decide whom you like and want to invest your time with.
Yea, and so the French don’t really do this. They sort of get together in just a relationship then figure it away.
Additionally you can’t date one or more person at the same time. Like there’s absolutely no choice, not a way, no tips on how to repeat this. If the other individual realizes (even if it’s several days after you first met see your face) consider yourself dumped.
What generally speaking happens is a french individual will meet somebody (usually at a celebration); verify shared attraction; and 1-2 days later they set up a relationship.
It was strange for me as a Jamaican. And it was the source that is biggest of my social misunderstandings with french guys.
Top Catastrophic Misunderstandings I’ve Experienced?
- There clearly was this 1 man we dumped in a blink of an eye me his girlfriend after like 3.5 weeks ?? I ran like the wind because he called! —
- Another guy dumped me because he thought I ended up beingn’t interested because I wouldn’t answer their texts immediately and because I was maybe not enthusiastic about seeing him every single day of this week, the first week we started going out. (In hindsight, I might have dodged a bullet with this one) —
- These are which, the French, from my experience (and observation) are waaaayyy more connected than I’m able to handle. I recall I’d a challenge trying to explain to one of my exes that We needed some “me time” and that I became going to simply remain house to “do nothing”. Or on every outing that I didn’t think he should come with me. (Hmmmm, perhaps he had been just insecure and also this had nothing in connection with French relationship?) —
- Even though it seems to me that when a french individual gets in a relationship they kinda just disappear and spend their time with said person. Maybe Not that any such thing is wrong with that…it’s just not for me personally ( perhaps not yet anyways).
Three weeks and I’m somebody’s girlfriend? No sah! No thank you.
How to Get A french person enthusiastic about Dating You
The french will think you’re maybe not interested in the event that you don’t together want to get after 3 solid months of love, love and attention (and quickly move on!).
Hahaha silly me personally to “take it slow” and “get to know” the guy before we enter a formal relationship. The French generally repeat this one other means around…they bring in the relationship to get to understand one another. They think it is strange that individuals “North Americans” expect to know anything meaningful during our so called “dating”.
However the french don’t usually ask the kind of questions we do. They don’t play the overall game of 20 Questions ( and sometimes 120 Questions). They don’t ask (or wanna know), in the 1st 3 months for example, exactly what the other person’s aspirations are; where they see themselves in 2yrs; exactly how kids that are many want; should they intend on engaged and getting married; their dreams and aspirations; blah blah blah.
The focus that is french in the good feelings; the truth that they’re having fun, etc.
So in most fairness, they have been appropriate. You won’t learn such a thing significant concerning the person you’re dating should you it the “french way.” But if you go about it “ninja detective style” then yes, you can discover a buttload of stuff regarding the “potential partner”.
Various strokes for various people!
A whole lot worse, then i’m surely doomed if i emphasize the good ole “virginal christian” relic values of the Jamaican/US dating system. We tried to explain so it’s not too weird to date someone for 1-3 months without intercourse. I became greeted with bulging eyes. This is certainly nearly uncommon in France.
Keep in mind I said “they verify shared attraction”? Weeelll how do you might think they “verify” this? *wink wink*
French buddies just could not fathom the thought of maintaining attraction and intimacy without sex. As well as how to prevent sex for this kind of any period of time whenever you might be attracted to one another? Personally, 1 month is doable (2 is pushing it), after that I become a starved crazed animal (don’t judge me!).
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